


Stay with me

by Stasawe



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Based on Nemesis leaving Fnatic rumors, M/M, Sad, Selfmade is a coward, Selfmade is a dumbass, Selfmade is an asshole, Selfmade is an idiot, Songfic, it hurts so much, it's all pain, no happy ending, pain and suffering, stay with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stasawe/pseuds/Stasawe
Summary: All that matters is winning. If he has to part with Tim to win… he doesn't care. At least, that's what he believed.(Songfic: Stay with me by Sam Smith)
Relationships: Oskar "Selfmade" Boderek/Tim "Nemesis" Lipovšek
Kudos: 25





	1. Stay with me (English)

**Author's Note:**

> All the rumors about Nemesis leaving Fnatic start to be more and more... and i can't control myself cuz i'm feeling so fucking sad and i see it coming, so i have to write. I think this song is perfect for Selfmade, and I had to write it ;;
> 
> Also, as always, the first chapter is in English, the second one is the same but in Spanish. I'm sorry if you find many mistakes :( i'm still learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the rumors about Nemesis leaving Fnatic start to be more and more... and i can't control myself cuz i'm feeling so fucking sad and i see it coming, so i have to write. I think this song is perfect for Selfmade, and I had to write it ;;
> 
> Also, as always, the first chapter is in English, the second one is the same but in Spanish. I'm sorry if you find many mistakes :( i'm still learning

Selfmade knew this moment would come. Nemesis is going to leave Fnatic. Should he feel bad? Should he feel sad? Should he say something? Oskar doesn’t know what to do. He has no right to say anything to Nemesis. After all, he didn't even try to change his mind. Everyone knows it is the best for the team. Nemesis' point of view of the game doesn’t fit with Fnatic.

All that matters is winning. If he has to part with Tim to win… he doesn’t care. At least, that is what he believed.

_Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand_

_But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man_

Oskar doesn't remember the last time he spent the night with a girl. However, he feels the need to be with someone, with anyone. He doesn’t care at all not knowing that person. He is angry and doesn’t know why. Maybe he doesn’t want to know why.  
At night, he knows Nemesis is at home, finishing packing his things since he has to leave the next day. Selfmade could have stayed to help him. However, he decides to spend the night out with a girl.  
He doesn’t know her at all, he is aware that the girl is only interested in his look and money, but Oskar doesn't care. He needs to do it. He needs to let out his frustration with someone. Why? He doesn't even know it himself. _  
_

_These nights never seem to go to plan_

_I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?_

Nevertheless, for some reason, he can't do it.

"Where are you going?" Asks the girl, quite indignant to see how Selfmade refuses to kiss her and proceeds to walk away.

"I can’t do this." Oskar says in a low voice.

Try as he might, the feeling in his chest consumes his inside. He feels bad. It feels so fucking bad. It is useless trying to fill the void with other people. He needs to go back to home.  
Oskar, deep down, knows it. He needs Tim. He doesn't want him to go away. He cannot accept that he is leaving.

* * *

''Oskar...?''

Nemesis looks surprised. You can tell he was not expecting to see Selfmade at all, as if he knew Oskar was going to be away all night.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_''Don’t leave me.''_ That's what he would like to say. That's what he must have said the day he found out Nemesis was leaving Fnatic. Not now. It's too late.

"I…''

But he is unable to say what he wants so badly. Again, Selfmade is running away, without saying anything, he goes to his room. He can't face Tim.

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

Is he being selfish? Is he being a hypocrite? Maybe.  
Why does he want Nemesis to stay by his side so badly? What exactly does he feel for him? Over and over again, uselessly, he keeps repeating the same words in his mind. _"Please, Neme, stay with me…''_

_Why am I so emotional?_

_No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control_

He shouldn't care. He shouldn't care... These things happen. That's how esports work. Players come and go, every year there are changes.  
So why are his feelings so strong? Why does it hurt so much?  
Once locked in his room, he decides that the best thing he can do is sleep. He shouldn’t think about Nemesis, he just has to sleep. When he wakes up, Tim will be gone and all will be over.

_And deep down I know this never works_

_But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt_

He hasn’t been by his side when Tim needed him. How many times did Selfmade see him crying? He’d have loved to be by his side, but he did nothing. He is a coward who looks and runs away. At night, he can only think about Tim. Think about what it would be like to have him by his side, what it would be like to sleep together like old times.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

A noise can be heard behind his door and it makes him open his eyes. He sits up lazily to open the door to whoever is calling, and when he sees Tim's face, he begins to remember everything. In fact, Selfmade doesn’t want to remember that the day has come. He also doesn’t expect Nemesis to say goodbye. Couldn't have he left without saying anything?

"I gotta go." Says the young Slovenian with a fragile tone, a sad voice that makes Selfmade feel guilty.

"Hm." Oskar agrees in a low voice, avoiding looking into his eyes and noticing how the pain he feels in his chest increases.

"Good bye, I guess." Tim ends with a slight sad smile, trying to make eye contact with Selfmade one last time, but knowing it’s impossible. He knows he is not going to make it because his ex-jungler seems to hate him.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

He doesn't even reply. He pretends he doesn’t care. It doesn't affect him at all. After all, they are just friends. They feel nothing for each other. Oskar has no feelings for Tim. Still, Selfmade wants to hug him. He wants to tell him to stay. He wants to tell Nemesis to stay with him, to don’t go anywhere. Oskar needs him. He needs him by his side.

"Neme..." Again, he tries to say something before Tim leaves.

"Hm?’’

"Nevermind." He sighs, facing straight down and being a coward unable to tell Nemesis how he feels.

He feels like trash, he feels so useless while watching how Nemesis drift away. They won’t be together again. Everything is over.

And has Selfmade been able to do something? No. Absolutely nothing.

Deep inside, he knows it was the right decision. Tim deserves something better than this.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

He feels the tears falling into his cheeks and he doesn’t know why. Why is he crying? He shouldn't be crying. He has never cried for something like that. He doesn’t care about Nemesis. Tim was just a teammate. They weren't even that good friends.

Again, he lies to himself. He fools himself again because he knows he needs to feel better in some way. Because he knows he is a fucking coward. Because he knows they will never be together again and he never did anything to prevent it.

He can only smile. He smiles resigned with tears in his eyes, knowing he has been a complete asshole that deserves all the worst.


	2. Stay with me (Español)

Selfmade sabía que llegaría este momento. Nemesis iba a dejar Fnatic. ¿Debía sentirse mal? ¿Debía sentirse triste? ¿Debía decir algo? Oskar no sabía qué hacer. No tenía ningún derecho de decirle nada a Nemesis. Después de todo, no intentó hacerle cambiar de opinión. Todos sabían que era lo mejor para el equipo. El punto de vista del juego que tenía Nemesis no encajaba con Fnatic. 

Lo que importaba era ganar, y si para ganar tenía que separarse de Tim… no le importaba.

Al menos, eso era lo que creía.

_Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand_

_But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man_

Oskar no recuerda la última vez que pasó la noche con una chica. Sin embargo, siente la necesidad de estar con alguien. Con cualquiera. No le importa en absoluto no conocer a esa persona. Está enfadado, y no sabe por qué. Quizá no quería saber por qué. 

Era de noche y sabía que Nemesis estaba en casa, terminando de empacar sus cosas ya que al día siguiente tenía que irse. Selfmade podía haberse quedado a ayudarle. Sin embargo, había decidido pasar la noche fuera con una chica. 

No la conoce en absoluto y sabe que lo único que le interesa es su físico y su dinero; pero a Oskar no le importa. Necesita hacerlo. Necesita dejar salir su frustración con alguien. ¿Por qué? Ni siquiera él mismo lo sabe.

_These nights never seem to go to plan_

_I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?_

Aún así, por algún motivo, no puede hacerlo. 

—¿A dónde vas? —Pregunta la chica, bastante indignada al ver cómo Selfmade se niega a besarla y procede a alejarse. 

—No puedo hacer esto —se limita Oskar a responder.

Por más que lo intenta, esa sensación en el pecho sigue carcomiéndole por dentro. Se siente mal. Se siente jodidamente mal. Es inútil intentar llenar el vacío con otras personas. Necesita volver.

Oskar, muy en el fondo, lo sabe. Necesita a Tim. No quiere que se vaya. No puede aceptar que se vaya.

* * *

_“Oskar…?’’_

Nemesis parece sorprendido. Se nota que no esperaba en absoluto ver a Selfmade, como si supiera que iba a pasar toda la noche fuera. 

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_“No te vayas.’’_ Eso es lo que le hubiera gustado decir. Eso es lo que tuvo que haber dicho el día que se enteró de que Nemesis dejaría Fnatic. No ahora. Ya es demasiado tarde.

“Yo…’’

Pero es incapaz de pronunciar las palabras que tanto desea decir. De nuevo, Selfmade está huyendo. No puede afrontar a Tim y, sin decir nada, se dirige a su habitación. 

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

¿Estaba siendo egoísta? Quizá. ¿Estaba siendo un hipócrita? Alomejor. 

¿Por qué quería tanto que Nemesis se quedara a su lado? ¿Qué sentía exactamente por él? Una y otra vez, inútilmente, sigue repitiendo las mismas palabras en su mente. _"Por favor, Neme... Quédate conmigo.''_

_Why am I so emotional?_

_No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control_

No debe importarle. No debería importarle. Estas cosas pasan. Así son los esports. Los jugadores van y vienen, cada año hay cambios. 

Entonces, ¿por qué sus sentimientos son tan fuertes? ¿Por qué duele tanto? 

Una vez encerrado en su habitación, decide que lo mejor que puede hacer es dormir. No pensar en Nemesis y dormir. Cuando se despierte, Tim ya se habrá ido y todo habrá terminado. 

_And deep down I know this never works_

_But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt_

No había estado a su lado cuando Tim le necesitaba. Selfmade le había visto llorar. Le hubiera gustado estar a su lado, pero no. No hizo nada. Fue un cobarde que se limitó a mirar y huir. Por la noche, solo piensa en Tim. Piensa en cómo sería tenerle a su lado, cómo sería dormir juntos como en los viejos tiempos.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

Un ruido en su puerta le hace abrir los ojos. Se incorpora con cierta pereza para abrir a quien fuera que estuviese llamando y, al ver el rostro de Tim, empieza a recordar todo. En realidad, Selfmade no quería recordar que el día había llegado. Tampoco esperaba que Nemesis se despidiera. ¿No podía haberse ido sin decir nada? 

—Bueno... me tengo que ir —dice el joven esloveno con un tono frágil, una voz triste que hace que Selfmade se sienta culpable.

—Hm... —acepta Oskar en voz baja, evitando mirarle a los ojos y dándose cuenta de cómo el dolor que siente en el pecho incrementa.

—Adiós, supongo —finaliza Tim, con una leve y triste sonrisa, intentando establecer contacto visual con Selfmade por última vez, pero sabiendo que era imposible, que no iba a conseguirlo, que su exjungler parecía odiarlo. 

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

Ni siquiera le responde. Finge que no le importa. Que no le afecta en absoluto. Después de todo, solo son amigos. No sienten nada más el uno por el otro. Oskar no siente nada por Tim.

Aun así, quiere abrazarlo. Quiere decirle que se quede. Quiere decirle que se quede a su lado, que no se vaya a ninguna parte. Que le necesita. Que le necesita a su lado.

—Neme… —Nuevamente, intenta decir algo antes de que Tim se vaya.

—Hm...?

—Nada, no importa —suspira, agachando la cabeza y siendo un cobarde incapaz de decirle a Nemesis lo que siente.

Es un inútil que simplemente se limita a observar cómo Nemesis se aleja. No volverán a estar juntos. Todo ha terminado.

¿Y Selfmade ha sido capaz de hacer algo? No. Absolutamente nada.

Por dentro, sabe que ha sido la decisión correcta. Tim merece algo mucho mejor.

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But, darling, stay with me_

Las gotas caen por sus ojos y no sabe por qué. ¿Por qué estaba llorando? No debería llorar. Nunca ha llorado por algo así. Nemesis no le importa. Solo era un compañero de equipo. Ni siquiera eran tan buenos amigos.

De nuevo, vuelve a mentirse. Se vuelve a engañar, porque sabe que necesita sentirse mejor de alguna manera. Porque sabe que ha sido un cobarde. Porque sabe que nunca más volverán a estar juntos, y que nunca hizo nada para evitarlo.

Solo puede sonreír. Sonríe con lágrimas en los ojos porque sabe que ha sido un completo imbécil y que se merece todo lo peor que pueda pasarle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Los rumores sobre Nemesis dejando Fnatic cada vez se confirman más y hay muchos que ya aseguran que Nemesis no va a seguir en Fnatic... y duele. Estoy muy triste :(

**Author's Note:**

> pain and suffering


End file.
